Reflection

EXPERIENCE
ALLOW
ACTION
FOCUS
FEELING
THOUGHT

What are you thinking about? Where is your focus?

Are you feeling bad for what is missing or feeling happy and excited for what is right around the corner? Are you constantly criticizing your partner's annoying tendencies and focusing on what is missing from your relationship or are you feeling good about the incredible qualities they possess that made you fall in love with them in the first place? Are you grateful for the work that you have and the work that is coming to you or are you feeling discouraged by what you don't have and scared about your future?

Examine your thoughts, examine your life.

It always seems to me that when I focus on the positive I feel good and attract more of the things that I want in my life and when I am focused on lack/negative aspects the more problems and heartache I seem to attract.

I have been reminded today that everything that I have in my life is a result of the thoughts and beliefs that I have about it. I have the power, the freedom, the creativity to bring in or reject anything into my life that either defines me and makes me feel good.


I am the most important relationship with myself...and the only common denominator between my life and my experiences. Making sure that I feel good about me is the most important job that I have. If I can remember to do that, everything that is in alignment with who i really am, is just a hop skip and jump away from entering my life.

Take pause. Take thought. Take Care.

I love him

Christmas is coming...fast!!!

I'm not quite sure how my plate got SO full SO fast...we have an apartment to pack up, an apartment to find and move into, Christmas to get ready for (lots of family coming into town!!), slopes to ski, auditions to find and book, classes to get ready for (I'm taking a child psychology class at DU in January), Mihai starting school Jan 19th etc etc etc. Normally this time of year I do things in advance so I can calmly celebrate and enjoy the festivities...this year I have no idea where the time went?!

Maybe thats just what happens when you are relaxing and living it up on vacation for a week, everything piles up on you! I don't mind because NYC was such a blast and a whirlwind...so many amazing people to see, so many things to do...I never have enough time in that city. This trip was a little different than the last as I left not ready to leave and wanting to stay. I miss that city so much.

The Romanian and I had such a great time together, we really really needed a nice trip together and to be back in the city where our relationship began and a city that we both love and thrive in was just awesome. We dream of one day moving back with plenty of money to make it less stressful and family friendly :) We just love the diversity, the culture, the art, the people...they are so much more friendly there I feel, more honest. They may yell at you and tell you to bugger off but it's better than someone smiling at you and nodding and then talking to you behind your back. We appreciate the candid nature of the people there and also the feeling of acceptance and understanding that stems from so many different people living in such proximity to another. I love the small businesses, the restaurants owned by the same Italian family for generations. I love the fact that on our way to go visit Eden in the subway we were bombarded by 15 drunken Santas...now that sure doesn't happen in Denver!

It is important for me to not get too nostalgic and go back to the place I so love to stay....a place of regret, doubt and over analyzing where I am and not appreciating my present moment. If it is meant to be we will go back but I am here now and must create with the tools/environment that are accessible to me now. The grass is always greener...

Thank you to all my incredible friends for helping me get to NYC to see you all, for taking the time to come see me and for all the beautiful birthday and holiday gifts! I am truly one lucky girl and I couldn't have asked for a better group of friends.

My cup runneth over.

NYC HERE I COME!

Heading out this morning for NYC!!! Can't wait to see all my dear friends and spend time with Mihai and his family!

A girl can dream

The Romanian and I are moving out of our cozy tiiiinnny apartment in Denver on Feb 1st to another one...we have yet to find it! We still have time and with Mihai heading back to school at Metro State in January and our hopes to meet our goal of getting a house within the next two years ...this place will have to be both cozy and affordable! I am excited to find our next home and am hoping it will have these pretty essentials!!!

LOVE

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

My yoga instructor yesterday reminded our class of the important role we each play in making a change in the world. A message showing each of us that we are responsible only for ourselves and the importance in maintaining a sense of mindfulness in what we choose to create/put forth in the world. If we can be the change we wish to see in the world- one moment, one day at a time, then perhaps we can have the ability to make an incredible contribution to the world and serve as a reminder for others to become that change as well.

A gorgeous chain of change we can create...all beginning with ourselves.

My teachers focus on being that change in the world was love. "How do you show love?" She asked us. "What does love feel like and look like in your life? In what ways do your relationships, friendships need more love and if you were to offer them that love, how would they transform?"

When she first proposed these questions I thought to myself "oh I was blessed with a great heart, I love a lot to and give it well so...yeah...I'm all set! Yay for Cala!” But as I continued through the class, moving from pose to pose, truth came slowly creeping in.

. I think so easily we say "I love you" to those that mean the most to us but then become so busy with life, running around trying to get everything done that we actually aren't present in our loving. We show up tired, cranky, ready to love better tomorrow rather than actually breathing and giving unconditional, calm, understanding love in the present. We say we are kind, loving, and caring but then are so preoccupied with our lives, rushing through our days that we miss so many opportunities to show love to others. We wait for a more convenient time to love deeper, care more, and make a difference in our lives and the lives of those we love.

I know my relationships could be richer if I gave more love and compassion to them rather than anxiety, expectations and fear. If I could push pause on my future thinking or let go of some past hurts, how much more I could give to my relationships! I know my relationship with myself would transform as well if I could offer me more love and gentleness. I know as well that if I slowed down, stayed present and open I would recognize the moments God is showing me to reach out with love to others… maybe even complete strangers.

Love. It is not a word. Love is a giving, a feeling, a calm nurturing understanding compassionate unconditional accepting and embracing warmth. It is healing, it is transforming, it is a world changing tool that all begins with you and me.

Every moment, every day opportunities to be this change in our world approach us.. asking us to stop, take notice and spread the love.

Back on Track

I have the awareness to know that true happiness stems from living your life from a sense of purpose...doing what God put you on this earth to do...yet despite this knowledge, I often become sad, frustrated, or discouraged when the direction of my life doesn't go the way I prefer. When the pieces of my life that show up aren't what I "want" or don't come together as quickly as I like it can be difficult to maintain a sense of appreciation and purpose.

Last night I was reminded by someone of the very tiny control we have over life and one of life's greatest illusions is believing that we somehow hold the puppet strings that control our own lives. Sure we make choices that dictate this and we have within us the power to help paint our realities but I believe that in the end it is God/Universe, orwhatever you want to call it, that will lead us so long as we are open to having them show us the way.

When we can put our egos down and lift our spirits up then we are sure to walk the path that is ours. It is indeed in the letting go and the offering up that happiness and true purpose are found.

I know that my purpose is to help and inspire others through communication and art...that needs to be my focus not on the details surrounding that. If I stay true to my path and my purpose and let God control the rest...I will end up in exactly the perfect place. Would I love to be doing movies and working on TV sets? Sure that would be awesome...but here today my path has brought me to the place of teaching. It is my job to show up and help those children be the best that they can be. Life has lead me to this place and this job to practice my gift of helping and inspiring through art and communication.

That doesn't mean I can't audition and have intentions for my life but it does mean that I should acknowledge, accept, appreciate and give the most I can do this beautiful experience that life has offered me.

Sometimes Gods greatest gifts are indeed...unanswered prayers. Sometimes maybe there is a bigger plan for us than we could have ever dreamt up on our own....and sometimes the life we are given is 10 milion times better than the one we orginally planned for.

Yes. Know your purpose and seek it out. Judge not where it leads you...for as long as you are living from your true self you are right on course and right on time.

Mindful musings as I rush off to work

A week from today I will be back in NYC to celebrate the holidays with friends and spend time with Mihai and his family. This is the first time Mihai and I have gone somewhere in such a long time and even though it's back home, I am so happy that we can do it together.

I'm not sure what is in the air lately but I just feel a lot of negativity lately..lots of people frustrated, short tempered and discouraged. Maybe it's just the food coma from Thanksgiving talking and the tides will quickly turn with holiday preparations.

I hope everyone remembers to carry on their thankful hearts into the holiday season and remember that its the people, not the gifts or the parties or whatever that really matter. Its the small things. Its the taking the time to show others how much they matter and how much they make your life better...that make another feel appreciated, loved, and touched.

As a pre-school teacher, this is my most favorite time of year. We decorate our classroom into a giant home with fire place, stockings, christmas trees and menorahs. It really turns into a magical and beautiful room to come to work too.