My Dog Makes Me A Better Person

The Cost of Having it All

Lately, I have been really reflecting on the three words that I hear over and over again, which reiterate a concept that many of us were raised to believe as true. If we work hard enough we can "Have it All." Family, a thriving career, wealth, great friendships, a healthy and balanced lifestyle, a strong spiritual life, beautiful and peaceful home, time to travel and give to our many other passions- whether cooking, gardening, writing, acting, music.

When I was younger I truly did believe these words and I worked really hard trying to acquire things that would make me feel that I really did "have it all." I tried to date as much as I could in hopes of finding Mr. Right, even if I really didn't feel like it. I went to work at a full time job and during my lunch breaks would race to an audition or race to the gym to fit in my daily work out. Once I clocked out of work I would race to go have dinner with a friend or race back to the gym if I couldn't get my work out in. I assumed this is what I was supposed to be doing...a young 20 something pounding the pavement trying to become successful so that one day I could have it all. Oh and I had to look pretty and fit while doing it, obviously.

It wasn't until years later when I was diagnosed with my 2nd case of Mono that I began to question this concept. I had literally run my body to the ground in pursuit of things that were meant to make me happy. But I wasn't, not even close. I was sick, exhausted and forced to re-examine my life. I ended up moving to Denver in order to slow down.

Unsurprisingly, that same momentum I tried to escape in NYC, fuels many people here as well. The idea of adding more and more to their plate in the hopes of one day reaching their idea of "success," they (and me) run around like chickens with their heads cut off today so that they can, one day in the future (once they have enough acquired), finally sit down, take a breath, and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

I see this more than ever with many of my parents at my school. Every day I see parents dropping their 2 year old kids off for 40-50 hours a week so that both parents can build successful careers, get their weekly work outs in, maintain their social lives on the weekends and accomplish their personal projects on the side. The parents come into the classroom rushing to drop them off and skip off to the next big thing on their to do list. The kids follow them in suit and many times stand their very confused and anxiously affected by the hustle and bustle. They don't understand why they are in a rush and they don't care whether their Mom or Dad has a perfect job and a perfect body and a full social calendar. They care about spending quality time with their parents, enjoying the day and playing in the present.

I say this with nothing but respect for parents everywhere. I know every parents wants the best for their children and do the very best they can to give them that. I see this every day and know it as truth. I will most likely work full time when I am a Mom as will my husband. We live in a economical state these days that requires most parents to both work. (And for the lucky parents that can have one parent stay home, I hope you count your blessings!) I'm not saying not to work out or take care of yourself either...sometimes you have to take care of yourself in order to better care for others. I understand and support that. I simply am stating this as an important example of the huge sacrifices we make in the attempt to "have it all" all at once! I am not speaking to the parents that go to work and still make their children a priority. (I am speaking to the other parents who think they make their children a priority but somehow they are 5th or 6th on their to-do list.)

So many times people and parents, do more and more today out of fear that they won't have enough (or reach the level of success they desire by x amount of time) that they unwillingly and unknowingly sacrifice precious moments and opportunities that today presents. They choose to work full time and write a book and do a marathon all at the same time and then seem to be confused why they are sad, strung out, and feeling disconnected from their child. Or surprised when their child is acting out, getting sick repeatedly, or suffering from separation anxiety.

It took me getting very sick to realize that my pounding the pavement didn't actually make me happy at all. The many hours I hit the gym trying to reach my goal to be a size six, really didn't make me happy...or even healthy for that matter. Those hours I was clocking at the gym could have been spent on giving more to my friendships or volunteering. I didn't see what I was giving up by giving into the pressure. I know try to achieve more balance by working out 2-3 times a week rather than 6 and using that extra time to nurture my relationships.

I am not saying we can't one day "have it all" but I am offering a thought: Is "Having it all" really worth having if it sacrifices our health, time with our children, and our joy. If we aren't happy having it all, chances are, you really don't have it all.. at all!

So please do me a favor. Once in a more while, make an effort to turn off your phone, put down that book your writing, take off your running shoes and maybe cancel the babysitter one night to take your kids fishing. Stay present. Stay with your joy and the ones that make you smile. Getting to "having it all" will come with more ease and joy if you share it with others.