Rivers

Well we are definitely into the thick of basic training my friends. I got a phone call from Mihai last night, apparently they lost their priveledges for some reason and he was only given a 5 minute phone call but his phone didn't work so 30 seconds of I love you and I miss you is what we got. Hearing his voice never sounded so good. He thankfully was able to call back quickly to just give me his address so we can begin communicating by letters. You know what feels weird? Going from talking to your best friend 3 times a day and then going home to him and then all of a sudden only hearing his voice for one minute over the course of a week and a half. And this is just the beginning. I imagine other couples and families have gone through much longer periods of time not speaking with their loved ones and I imagine that Mihai and I as well have longer distances to go as well. It definitely takes some adjusting and deep breathing for me to begin to get used to this. The good news is that it is only 3 months and then we will be able to communicate more while he's in job training for the last 4 months. Just take it one day at a time, I tell myself.

My yoga practice has yet again proven to be my best friend through this and all of life's ups and downs. My practice teaches me to stay with my breathe and trust that whatever life brings me, as long as I stay with my breathe and with myself, all will be okay. I truly believe that and during life transitions such as this I see even more clearly the profound power in yoga. I was already sold on it but what comfort, consistency, strength and healing it gives me is a true blessing.

Life truly is a series of change, a flowing river that is constantly moving and running a new course each day. Sometimes the river is soft and steady and other times it crashing waves out of no where. Sometimes you feel comfort and peace floating with the current and other times like you are drowning and struggling to keep your head afloat. Sometimes we have control over how we approach this river: are we trying to swim upstream against a strong current rather than surrendering and going with the natural flow? Are we panicking when the waves begin to crash over our heads or to we remain calm and use our breathe to sustain us and use prayer and trust that this too shall pass and we will be okay. Sometimes the river controls us and then it still is up to us how we react to that.

Each day is different. Each day up to us how we choose to react to that day, that river that we set forth on.

One day at a time. One breath at a time. That is where strength and courage lie for us all.

2 weeks in

and I miss him already so much. It really is kinda true the saying "You don't know what you have until its gone." Sure I DID know what I had/have but I supposse its easier to appreciate it all, especially the little things now that he is away. This is definitely going to be a challenge, one I know we will get through better and stronger, but a challenge nonetheless. I haven't been able to even talk to him on the phone all week: the longest we've never talked to each other. It just feels weird. I am hoping for a short call Sunday if he and his platoon perform well in physical training. Who would've thought a 2 minute phone call would mean so much? It is so easy to take for granted all the incredible ways we can communicate with each other and very easy to appreciate them once they've been taken away from you.

I don't know how people stayed connected without phones or emails back in the day. Letter writing will be a new means for Mihai and I. It might be nice. I just miss hearing his voice.

Ok back to positive thinking and back to work! Til next time!

Prana

You fill me up and steady my heart,
You keep me connected when things fall apart.

You teach me my strength, show me my power
You guide me through my most painful hour.

You inspire me to reach for more
You show me all the possible doors.

You send me to a gentle space
A no more beating myself up kind of place.

You keep me moving, flowing free
You fill me up and let me be.

A Thankful Heart

“We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.” — Thornton Wilder

I have much to be grateful for. I think it's important to recognize the times when your life is just overflowing, sink deep into a sense of appreciation and gratitude for all the many blessings you do have, so that when life brings it's darkness-as it sometimes does-you can draw back on this gratitude to bring forth a little bit of light to help clear the way.

I am in love with a man that I am extremely proud of and in a relationship that I believe in so much I can view 7 months apart as just a little challenge in the big picture of wonderful. I can't wait for our wedding!!!! :) :)I have a dog that brings me great joy and helps me appreciate the little things. I have dear friends and a sweet and supportive family. I have the health of those I love and myself and I have a yoga practice that teaches me every time I step on the mat that as long as I keep breathing there is nothing I can't surmount. I have a job that supports me and makes me giggle. I live in a beautiful state that often takes my breath away. I have a voice that is unique and that most importantly can be heard because of the freedom we are given in this country. I think I often take that for granted. I have a cup that plain and simple just runneths over.

Sure, I could create another list of the things I don't have yet or all the things I'd like to see different in my life. Things that I sure thought I would have by age 31 but what would be the point of that? How would that serve me? And does that list even matter? Surely that list would make me feel bad and discouraged and make me beat myself up a little bit and start to doubt? Yes...I believe that list doesn't matter. Often times we get so caught up in what's missing from our life we can't see the beautiful wonderful abundance staring us smack in the face. We get stuck in rushing around trying to get to where we thought we should be by such and such an age that we miss all the opportunities here right now. There is great truth in knowing that there is NO WHERE we need to be or do other than where we are right now, in this moment. So long as our heart is open in this moment won't life just do the rest for us? Doesn't that FEEL better than the alternative?

Yes, I think so. I stick with my YES list and my YES attitude. My cup runneth over. My cute simple cup with cracks, dents, and imperfections. It is just as it should be and I am grateful.

Are you grateful for all in your life? Are you living from your YES list or your NO list? If not, make a new list. Start over, fill up your cup with all that is good and bountiful and see your day, your week, your year transform. And watch how those you meet become inspired by your light.

“You simply will not be the same person two months from now after consciously giving thanks each day for the abundance that exists in your life. And you will have set in motion an ancient spiritual law: the more you have and are grateful for, the more will be given you.” — Sarah Ban Breathnach

A weekend away

Mihai had his boot camp orientation this weekend and we had a taste of what not talking to each other will be like. Man, it's going to be difficult. Even in just two days I found myself picking up the phone to call him to share a funny joke or to text him a cute picture of Rudy. He came home very excited to see me as I did with him and we both expressed how different it is to not be accessible to each other. I do think it will be good for us and having this weekend gave me the reassurance that I needed. We are an amazing team with a great love and respect for the other. When you live with someone long enough and spend every day with them it can be easy to take that for granted and maybe even forget a little about just how strong your bond is to one another.

I am grateful to have such a wonderful man in my life who has the courage and strength to pursue such a noble calling. Though it will require me to dig deep while he's away it will also provide me time to really be with myself and do my thing as well which I think is crucial in building a strong foundation for a relationship and family.

Mihai heads out in 2 1/2 weeks and though I am sure I will miss him more than I can type and have some hard moments without him, I now know without a doubt that he and I will not only make it through this but come out stronger and more connected.

My cup runneth over.

This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine....

Why did we stop singing this song as we got older? Funny, i think adults are the ones that need this reminder more than the little kiddos.

God gave us each a bright light of love and creativity to share with others. Let it shine on my friends!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJJ1TwC-upE&feature=related

A month from today

Mihai heads out for his 7 month boot camp training for the National Guard Reserves. I feel a lot of different things about this: excited for him, proud of him, happy that he is going after something he is passionate about, scared for him, scared for me, anxious about how life will be with such a long time apart. I have a heavy heart when I think about how much I will miss him and an excited heart for the lifetime we will share together, god willing.

For those of you that know me, never in a million years would I think that I would be watching the man I love go away to train to be in the Army. It was never something I imagined or wanted for myself, my relationship or my future family in all honesty. Family is the most important thing to me and my definition of family means coming home to each other every night, eating dinner together around the table and talking about our days. Sharing in the daily responsibilities of walking the dog, making dinner, watching the kids. That is the family I dreamed about and that is the family I desire.

Yet you can't help loving the ones you do and it is my belief that if you truly love someone in the real sense of love, you want them to pursue their dreams. It is my deep knowing that if each partner in the relationship is fulfilled and on purpose your relationship can only get bigger, better and expand into something more joyful and happy. And I love Mihai, more than I can type into words. I am proud of him for wanting to partake in such a noble calling. His adventurous nature, courage, strength, and sincere desire to help and work with others are all the reasons I fell in love with him. So as much as I never imagined or wanted this reality of a 7 month separation and the possibility of Mihai getting deployed to Afganistan or Iraq one day, of course I stand by him and will try to support him as much as can. And of course staying focused on my own dreams and passions as well.

My relationship to Mihai has taught me so much. Patience, understanding, trust, loyalty, commitment, how to balance the differences between men and women, the importance of knowing when to "talk it out" and when to let things slide and so much more. Yet as this last month together approaches I must say that more than anything this relationship has taught me that love in action is the most important ingredient to a relationship. Not saying loving things but doing those loving things. And knowing that sometimes the most loving thing to do may not always be the easiest. Having faith that that love will get you through no matter the challenge.

I too now have such a deeper appreciation and respect for military families. Families who haven't seen their loved ones in over a year, first time mothers having their babies without their husbands holding their hands, holidays and birthdays missed as they work overseas...so many sacrifices they make on a daily basis to protect this country and all of us in it.

Though I am sad, anxious, and a little fearful of what those 7 months and the future will bring us, I am focused on embracing this last month and loving every minute I spend with my precious little family.